BLOG.HOPEOFSURVIVORS.COM

THOS mentioned in Christianity Today article!

THOS — Thu, 03 May 2012 16:48:04 GMT

Great news! The Hope of Survivors was mentioned in a new Christianity Today article. Read the story here: http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/04/voice_of_the_victims_sex_abuse_1.html

All content is copyright (c) The Hope of Survivors. All rights reserved.

Doing Nothing Still Counts!

THOS — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:38:17 GMT

The headlines are bursting with stories about persons in positions of authority who have turned a blind eye when it comes to protecting someone under their care—failing to do the right thing—the very thing their occupation demands. Does looking the other way, or pleading ignorance, really exonerate someone who could do something to stop abuse yet, for political, or personal gain, does nothing?

Certainly, as members of the church, we struggle with the reality that everywhere we turn there seems to be a moral battle raging and, at times, we seem helpless to stem the tide of evil. With such an onslaught of moral corruption pervading our planet, it’s little wonder we have become desensitized and almost ambivalent to the moral failures of those who are appointed as spiritual leaders in the very churches we attend. But, can we adequately plead “not guilty” if we do nothing?

Someone, long ago, took the easy way out defense too. He was at the pinnacle of leadership in his church. As the high priest, he was the only one who was permitted to meet yearly at the mercy seat with God. His sole ministry was to represent Christ—who intercedes for the sins of his people. Yet, within Eli’s own family, a dark secret was lurking. He heard the rumors but, somehow, he failed to muster the courage to eradicate the evil. Why? What could he possibly offer as an adequate excuse for allowing such heinous sins to be committed on his watch, within his own church, and by his own sons? He had a choice to make and he chose to do nothing.

Years pass by and God appears to be silent. He has sent a warning message and now He waits to see what His servant will do. I’m sure the Spirit was pleading for this reluctant father to correct the evil course of his sons, but to no avail. Finally, in a very unexpected manner, the message comes. When Eli has procrastinated long enough, God speaks. His mouthpiece, a four-year-old boy—young, harmless, and undefiled by the associations of Eli’s own sons—newly dedicated to assist the aged high priest, is to whom God unveils Eli’s downfall and foretells his final doom.

The Bible account tells us, “The Lord came and stood there, calling... “Samuel, Samuel.” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10 (NIV)) There is an extremely important message within this verse that we would do well to heed. The message God spoke to Samuel that night long ago has similar implications for His church today! Are we listening? If so, are we willing to say, “Speak, for your servant is listening”?

As we probe a little deeper, we find the reason God has chosen to bypass the high priest and speak to his young protégé. The Lord says of Eli, “You honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel.” (1 Samuel 2:29 (NIV)) For personal reasons, some leaders today still choose not to deal strictly when difficult problems arise within the church. Is there something for us to gain by keeping silent?

God had previously warned Eli about the prevailing iniquity of his sons and what would happen if he failed to check their sins. “The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of your father’s house, …you will see distress in my dwelling.” (1 Samuel 2:31-32 (NIV)) Do we stand firm in protest of evil or, like Eli, do our sympathetic actions toward a fallen minister counteract our ability to adequately protest their iniquitous deeds?

What could possibly be so wicked that it forced God to deal with Eli and his sons so harshly? It was the same sin that is destroying many in positions of spiritual leadership today. “Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.” (1 Samuel 2:22 (NIV)) Not only was the sacrifice disgraced and polluted, the personal lives of the priests—the very ones who were to be godly examples of holiness—were defiled with sexual immorality and abuse.

Can a minister who willfully chooses to destroy precious lives under his care simply excuse his actions as “a fall from grace”? Obviously, we know people make serious mistakes. But why is a moral failure from a minister so different than anyone else?

For a victim, the church is a haven of refuge—a harbor of safety—and when abuse is perpetrated from a spiritual leader, that abuse is directly connected to Christ. It appears as if God Himself approved the terrible pain and suffering they experienced by His representative. For this reason, God had to act to preserve the sacredness of His holy character. For the sake of His people, justice demanded that judgment be served.

God says, “I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.” (1 Samuel 3:13 (NIV)) God holds Eli personally responsible for the wicked actions his sons have committed. Why? His office as high priest demanded he compel his sons, who were also priests, to vigilantly maintain a model example of holiness and purity. Eli had the sacred obligation, and authority, to correct their evil course but he did nothing.

The people of Israel had a right to unquestionably believe the priests would always exemplify God’s character of moral purity to everyone they served. Yet, even when Eli knew of his sons’ total disregard for God—of the abuse of their sacred positions and the heinousness of their moral failures—“he failed to restrain them.”

And today, thousands of years later, there are those who still fail in their responsibility to protect the vulnerable sheep from the devastating effects of abuse by a spiritual leader. When a transgression of this nature takes place, those who refuse to correct the evil done by a fallen minister are guilty of the same sinful neglect to God’s heritage as was Eli.

Because of the corruption that had taken hold of Eli’s sons and the people, the Spirit of God had been restrained from His people. The book of Samuel tells us, “In those days the word of the Lord was rare; there were not many visions.” (1 Samuel 3:14 (NIV)) Sin, whether secret or openly practiced, prevents us from receiving the fullness of God’s Spirit. We will never accomplish the work God has entrusted to us if we refuse to bring our lives into harmony with His will. When sexual immorality takes place in the life of one who stands as an ambassador of Christ, our worship, adoration and respect of God’s highly exalted character become tainted—people fail to see the beauty and holiness of Christ’s nature through the actions of His fallen representative.

What a tragic legacy we have on record of Eli’s downfall and final end. Through Eli’s own miserable example, God is still warning us today. Like Eli, there are some who hold high positions of leadership and need to take a stand against the wrong decisions that have been made to protect fallen ministers—those who, like Eli’s sons Hophni and Phinehas, are destroying the sacredness of God’s church today.

Some may question, “How, then, are those in responsible positions required to deal with sexual immorality in the church?” The apostle Paul was forced to face a similar predicament in his ministry. In his letter to the church in Corinth he openly rebukes the church, and a member, who has taken his father’s wife. Paul directly confronts the situation and openly condemns his actions. He says, “Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present.” (1 Corinthians 5:3 (NIV))

Paul was compelled to act decidedly in order to abate a moral meltdown. The effect of this sexual sin was so serious that many persons were becoming desensitized by its leavening effect—precious souls were in danger of losing their ability to clearly discern the vileness of such licentious behavior.

Leadership must always take a difficult but decisive stand when moral issues threaten to destroy the spiritual lives of its members and moral fabric of the church! Paul’s admonishment was, “put out of your fellowship the man who did this.” (1 Corinthians 5:2 (NIV)) Paul knew the church must do something, and the same holds true today.

Recently in Papillion, Nebraska, a high school band teacher, Mike Pollock, was accused of sending inappropriate text messages to a former student. After his resignation, a spokesperson for the school stated that what Mr. Pollock had done was “…not just a violation by that one teacher, but it's a violation of the entire profession.” If the secular community can see how important the reputation of all teachers are, and that such actions committed by one destroy the reputation of everyone in that profession, certainly the church is in desperate need of true reformation when it comes to how we deal with a fallen minister of the gospel.

One author, long ago, clearly set forth the responsibility of the church to deal with licentiousness when it becomes known. The author wrote we must, “Cleanse the camp of this moral corruption, if it takes the highest men in the highest positions. God will not be trifled with. Fornication is in our ranks. I know it, for it has been shown me to be strengthening and extending its pollutions. There is much we will never know, but that which is revealed makes the church responsible and guilty unless they show a determined effort to eradicate the evil. Cleanse the camp, for there is an accursed thing in it.”[Emphasis added.] (Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, page, 237)

In no other profession can an individual exhibit such a blatant dereliction of duty and still expect to maintain their position and be held in good standing among their peers. Many believe all that is necessary to restore the fallen leader is for them to confess—say they’re sorry and admit they made a mistake. Does the Bible support this view? Or does God hold leaders to a much higher standard than we have become accustomed too accept?

If we continue to turn a blind eye to what is undermining the effectiveness of the church’s mission, and destroying the purity of the gospel message, God will ultimately be forced to take action and deal out justice where men have failed to do their duty. His Word tells us, “Judgment must begin at the house of God.” (1 Peter 4:17 (JKV)) Judgment is a serious time. But, before God passes judgment, He always sends a message of mercy—a plea to return to Him and receive pardon and forgiveness. Sadly, Eli does not heed the warning. He neglects God’s urgent plea and, because his sons also reject the warning message, “…it was the Lord’s will to put them to death.” (1 Samuel 2:25 (NIV))

That same day, both Eli and his sons perish in battle, the Ark of God was taken into captivity, and the presence of God was removed from the people. Phinehas’ wife also died that day and the son she bore forever declared the sin of his father. She named him Ichabod, saying, “The glory has departed from Israel.” (1 Samuel 4:21 (NIV)) The hand that is stretched out to protect His people will also withdraw that protection when mercy no longer pleads.

Paul, in his letter to the church in Rome, tells us, “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” (Romans 1:18 (NIV)) What suppresses the truth? It is the wicked deeds of men that bring the gospel of Jesus Christ into ill repute. God does not lightly regard the sins of those who hinder the work of church—the instrument through which He desires to bring all men to a knowledge of His character, love and saving truth.

From the pen of an author who wrote clearly and forcibly upon this subject we are told, “In Eli’s reproof to his sons are words of solemn and fearful import, words which all who minister in sacred things would do well to ponder. …Let those whose hearts are given to the service of sin and Satan, beware how they pollute the sacred office of the ministry. Let them beware how, while at heart agents of Satan, they dare to stand before the people as ambassadors for Christ. In the day of Judgment the doom of Hophni and Phinehas will be theirs.” (Signs of the Times, December 8, 1881.)

All who hold positions of sacred trust and, like Eli, knowingly fail to take a stand against the abusive actions of leaders under their charge, will have to face serious consequences for neglecting their responsibility to guard the flock under their care.

Thankfully, there is still time and mercy still pleads with our hearts. The signs around us loudly proclaim judgment is soon to be executed upon this earth. We, like Eli, have been given a message of warning. God is still waiting to see if we will correct our errors, retrace our steps, and implement justice before He executes judgment. If we fail to heed Heaven’s admonition, we too will pass beyond the line where mercy will no longer be able to reach our ears. Sadly, God will ultimately say to us what He said to Eli, “…I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’” (1 Samuel 3:14 (NIV))

Are you a spiritual leader? If so, I pray you are doing all God requires of you as a shepherd of His people. Now is the time to do what is right, before disregarding your duty counts against you.

By Steve Nelson

10 Myths About Clergy Sexual Abuse—Darryl W. Stephens

THOS — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:55:54 GMT

(From the January 2012 edition of HopeSpeak)

MYTH 1—It is just an affair. To call it an “affair” is to focus only on the sexual relationship; but the real issues are the clergyperson’s violations of the sacred trust of ministries, breach of fiduciary responsibility, violation of professional boundaries, and abuse of power.

MYTH 2—They’re consenting adults, so they’re both to blame. When there is a significant imbalance of power in a relationship (as there is between a pastor and a parishioner), it is the pastor’s responsibility to maintain appropriate professional boundaries. Blaming the victim is an attempt to avoid confronting the perpetrator.

MYTH 3—A sexual relationship involving pastors is their own personal business. Even if both parties are single, a sexual relationship between a pastor and a parishioner affects the entire congregation, and makes it more difficult for the pastor to be a minister to the whole congregation.

MYTH 4—When a parishioner accuses the pastor of misconduct, it’s best to them them work it out. Clergy sexual misconduct is a chargeable offense according to the laws of the United Methodist Church, and it is even a criminal offense in some states. It is the responsibility of the church—not the alleged victim—to enforce church law and to hold clergy accountable.

MYTH 5—The pastor resigned—case closed. Closing a case prior to adjudication abrogates justice for all parties. Facts may never be investigated, innocence or guilt may never be determined, the truth may never be told. Even if the pastor resigns, it is best to complete the investigation and adjudication process.

MYTH 6—A scandal like this will destroy us; secrecy protects the church. Failure to disclose appropriate information to a congregation regarding an allegation of misconduct—and the outcome of the just-resolution process--only fuels rumors and misinformation, and denies the healing power of truth-telling. Appropriate disclosure does not mean spilling all the facts, but it does mean informing people to the extent that they have a need to know about their pastoral leadership.

MYTH 7—Better psychological screening will eliminate future misconduct. While psychological evaluations are important parts of the screening process for ministerial candidates, this process will not eliminate the problem of clergy misconduct in the church. Don’t we have a doctrine of sin to remind us of this?

MYTH 8—A “zero tolerance” policy will eliminate misconduct. If a conference is too quick to dismiss any clergyperson accused of any form of misconduct, a culture of secrecy may develop. Due process and the hard work of discernment about degrees of violations will contribute to justice and healing for all parties.

MYTH 9—No news is good news. A conference or church that has no reports or allegations of misconduct is not necessarily free of misconduct. In fact, effective education of clergy and laity about appropriate boundaries increases awareness of misconduct, often resulting in an increase in misconduct cases, at least in the short term.

MYTH 10—A pastor can never be the victim. Clergy can be harassed and abused by parishioners just as anyone can be the victim of a crime. Beginning last year, every conference is now required to have a policy about how to handle complaints of lay harassment of clergy. It is still the clergyperson’s responsibility to maintain appropriate professional conduct and boundaries, however. Church should be a safe place for clergy and lay workers as well as parishioners.

Originally published in The Flyer, 41:9, Sept 2010: http://www.gcsrw.org/InTheLoop/TheFlyer.aspx.

Darryl W. Stephens is assistant general secretary of sexual ethics and advocacy for GCSRW.

Forgiveness, Grace & Consequences...

THOS — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 22:42:39 GMT

The Bible is abundantly clear—God freely and abundantly offers forgiveness to all who come to Him with "a broken and contrite heart." (Psalms 51:17) Certainly King David understood more of the love and forgiveness of our God than most people will have the opportunity in this lifetime to know. But, does God's grace eliminate the need for anyone, no matter what they have done, to be hindered from picking up where they left off? Is this truly what the Bible teaches?

Let's think about it for a moment. He is standing on the very border of the Promised Land. For 40 years Moses endured censure, heartache and almost relentless persecution, from his own people. And then, in the very last moments before the children of Israel are preparing to cross over into the beautiful land of promise, he is pushed—not forced—to commit a grievous sin.

Some may wonder at the reason God seemed to deal so harshly with Moses. After all, isn't forgiveness with God complete when we confess we have done wrong? Doesn’t God's Word implicitly state, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"? (1 John 1:9 (NIV)) Why, then, must God enact such a stiff penalty? Wasn't Moses forgiven? In fact, it almost seems as if God is rubbing it in instead of offering grace and forgiveness. God tells Moses, “Go up this mountain in the Abarim range and see the land I have given the Israelites. After you have seen it, you too will be gathered to your people, as your brother Aaron was.” (Numbers 27:12-13 (NIV))

At first glance it seems somewhat harsh. It sounds like God is saying, "Here it is Moses! Look at the wonderful inheritance your people will be getting to enjoy! But for you, sorry, you’re going to die." Something else must be going on here. God's own Word tells us that, "He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." (Lamentations 3:33 (NIV)) So what is really taking place? When God pronounced to Moses the penalty of losing the privilege of going into the Promised Land with the rest of the children of Israel who, by the way, were many times more rebellious and unfaithful than Moses was, He told him, "for when the community rebelled at the waters in the Desert of Zin, both of you disobeyed my command to honor me as holy before their eyes.” (Numbers 27:14 (NIV))

You see, Moses had special privileges. He was highly honored. He spoke with God "face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." (Exodus 33:11 (NIV)) The consequences for his actions were directly in proportion to the exalted position he filled.

When a spiritual leader falls, it is not the same as just any member of the congregation. God has honored him; placed him in a high position of sacred trust. And, like Moses, when he falls, he fails to honor God "as holy: before the eyes of the people.” There must be serious consequences for such heinous actions. It's not a matter of forgiveness. It's a matter of violating a sacred trust—a trust that can never be completely restored. If God's leaders fall, ultimately, they lead others to lightly regard the sacredness of their position and the high and exalted purity of God's Holy Law. When leaders fall, they fail to honor the sacredness of God's character and bring reproach and disgrace to Him before the eyes of the people.

Some may be wondering, “what about restoration?” Even Peter was restored to his position after he denied his Lord three times. True, Peter’s sin was enormous, but Peter’s fall was vastly different from that of a minister caught in sexual sin. Sexual sin destroys not only the one who commits the act, it very often destroys the one they lead into sin as well. Peter’s actions, sinful as they were, were sinfully self-preserving, not willfully destructive of another. Yes, it was his pride that led to his downfall, but his love for Jesus and his position were not used to justify his actions or to satisfy his need of self-exaltation.

In reality, a fallen minister more closely resembles the actions of Judas than those of Peter. Judas took from the disciple’s moneybag, an action that was done to gratify his own lustful desires—the gain of earthly pleasures. He was so self-absorbed he couldn’t seem to get enough. His passion for more led him to commit one of the most horrendous crimes ever committed. He sold his Savior to serve his passion. Ultimately, he sold his own soul to gratify his sinful desires. Like a morally fallen minister, his position was used to gratify his lust, clearly distinguishing his actions from those of Peter’s.

You may be thinking, “Well that may be true, but there is the account of King David’s fall. And, God even called him “a man after His own heart.” Yes, David committed adultery and murder. And he was forgiven and allowed to remain as king of Israel. Certainly, some may believe, there is a precedent here for restoring a fallen minister. But is there really? Perhaps an argument could be made in favor of restoring the fallen. With that premise, one would use King David’s life as a model of grace. But, if one takes that position, then there are other questions that must be addressed.

Were there any consequences for David’s sin? Yes, there were many. David’s sin, in terms of consequences, was one of the most costly sins a fallen leader had to endure. God tells David, “You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.” (2 Samuel 12:12 (NIV)) Most ministers who fall have real difficulty admitting the actual heinousness of their actions. The first reaction is to minimize or justify why this happened. They, like David, try to hide their sin. You will hear words like, “I fell from grace,” or “I took my eyes off Jesus.” All true, but this type of confession only minimizes the seriousness of their actions and personal accountability. These types of justifications are often spoken in order to gain sympathy and support, rather than to reveal the true nature of their sin.

God told David his secret sin would be broadcast in the “broad daylight before all Israel.” Some may wonder, “Wasn’t God worried about His reputation when He publicly made known David’s fall?” Apparently, God was more concerned about the effects David’s sin would have on the people if it were kept secret. Like the prophet Eli’s sons, who committed adultery with the women in the church, David’s sin would “make the LORD'S people to transgress.” (1 Samuel 2:24 (KJV)) Often a moral fall and restoration are kept secret, allowing the fallen minister to continue on without any fear of embarrassment or real consequences.

For David, God told him, “Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.” (2 Samuel 12:10 (NIV)) Was life going to be a bed of roses and “easy street” for David after his fall? Certainly not! Additionally, God told him, “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight.” (2 Samuel 12:11 (NIV)) Serious consequences indeed! How many fallen ministers would argue, “Keep me in my ministry, God forgives. I, like David, am a man after God’s own heart. He wants to restore to my ministry to me. The best years of service are still ahead for me….” if, indeed, this were their fate? Their focus, too often, is “all about me.” The church they devastated, the spiritual lives they destroyed by their actions, all are pressed into the background, and the spotlight is clearly directed to gain sympathy for themselves and to minimize their “mistake.” How unlike David, “a man after God’s own heart,” they truly are.

God told David, “The sword will never depart from your house.” (2 Samuel 12:10 (NIV)) Clearly, the penalty was severe. David lost four sons. He lost the honor and prestige he had so wonderfully achieved through his prior loyalty and faithfulness to God and the people. And, what he did seriously impeded the evangelistic work of the church, for God told him, “You have made the enemies of the Lord show utter contempt.” (2 Samuel 12:14 (NIV)) Given all this, we are forced to ask the question: “Is it worth the risk of such extreme loss to the church, to God’s reputation, to the victims of a fallen minister’s actions, to restore him back to his position?” How could such a risk be worth the taking?

What then is true restoration? Both Moses and David were restored to a saving relationship with Christ. But, Moses’ service as a leader of God's people came to an end. God did not abandon Moses or David because of their unfaithfulness. In both cases, He showed the children of Israel an extremely important lesson—one that we would do well to heed. If, after being used by God in a most solemn and sacred work, one lets go of their hold on Him and causes His name and church to come under censure and reproach because of their sin, there are extremely dire consequences. For both of them there was great loss. Joshua succeeded Moses as the leader of Israel, and David’s effectiveness as a leader was destroyed. His own sin caused division and abuse in His family, which led to insurrection from his son Absalom and disgrace to the children of Israel.

To a fallen leader I would say, “It’s time, with humble submission, to accept the consequences your actions have brought upon you, and to honor God and the church you failed to serve by refraining from seeking to restore your position.”

Moses gives us a wonderful example of how a fallen minister should respond to God's hand of discipline. He lays down his rod of leadership and honorably turns over the reigns to another whom God has chosen to take his place. He does not protest that he is God’s chosen instrument and that, even though fallen, he is still called and qualified to lead God’s people. Moses quietly and humbly steps aside. He places his life into the hands of a God he loves and trusts.

It's not about forgiveness. The Bible is abundantly clear. Moses was raised to life and was granted eternal life, but his fall excluded him from being able to further lead God's people here on Earth. It's not unforgiving, unkind, or un-Christlike to not allow a fallen minister to regain the position they once held and through which they abused another. In fact, it is one of the most loving things we can do. Not simply for the morally fallen, but for the church, and for the highly honored name of our Creator whom we exalt before the world. It is imperative that we set a right example—one that shows God’s mercy and forgiveness—but one that also reveals He holds accountable those who serve as His leaders. Leaders often fall because the position they once held, if unguarded, easily leads to self-exaltation. To reinstate a fallen leader and place them back into the same position where the temptation to repeat their former actions is very great, is neither wise, nor in their own best eternal interest.

What, then, is our responsibility to those who have fallen? Often times, our feelings and personal attachment to a fallen leader find us encouraging them to stay in leadership. People will try to cheer on the fallen leader, telling them to get back on their feet and once again rise to greatness, when God has clearly said it’s time to step down.

The reason we have such difficulty distinguishing between our emotions and principles is because we are more concerned with what pleases man, rather than showing our fidelity to God. Why, at this point in time, is this so important? As one author so eloquently stated, “We are nearing the judgment, and those who bear the message of warning to the world must have clean hands and pure hearts. They must have a living connection with God. The thoughts must be pure and holy, the soul untainted, the body, soul, and spirit be a pure, clean offering to God, or He will not accept it.... “ (Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce, p. 55) When a leader becomes defiled through sexual sin, they cause the church and “the enemies of the Lord” to “show utter contempt” to God. The work they purportedly gave their whole heart, love and life to serve becomes tainted, and the gospel loses its power to convict men and women of their own sins.

If we cannot clearly see what God requires His people to be, then we most certainly will not be able to discern the high level of integrity His ministers must possess in order for their service to be acceptable and effective for Him. To encourage someone to stand if God says, “step down,” is extremely dangerous—not only to the one whom we encourage, but to us individually as well. Ultimately, we too will have to bear the consequences if a fallen minister who is again “restored” to leadership abuses someone else. My prayer is that, as a church, we will vigilantly search our hearts to see if we are indeed following where God is leading.

By Pastor Steve Nelson

Happy New Year!

THOS — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 21:47:20 GMT

Dear Friends,

It's 2012 already! I wonder how long it will take most of us to get used to writing that on our checks and other documents? Hopefully not too long! But, that's the least of my concerns. My bigger wonderment is how long will it take for the majority to take a stand against clergy sexual abuse?

As we enter this new year, I would like to personally challenge each of you to share the truth about clergy sexual abuse with someone you know (or even someone you don't know!). You can do this by pointing them to The Hope of Survivors website, www.thehopeofsurvivors.com, or by sharing one of the many resources on the website that are available to you. The more people who know this is a real issue and who understand the facts about it, the better off everyone will be.

Imagine victims who can heal because they are secure in a compassionate environment. Think of churches that will be safe havens for all because they are healthy environments where abuse of power and the opportunity for sexual abuse can't exist. Picture pastors who are educated on the topic and willing to stand firm on principle to protect their parishioners, themselves and their high calling. After all, even good pastors get a bad rap when one of their own commits such abuse.

It's my prayer that God will bless The Hope of Survivors in 2012 in ways I could not even imagine--like opportunities to share truth worldwide; provide hope and healing to victims by His grace and power; empower pastors and churches to become healthier and safer environments. I believe this can happen. Will you join me in prayer for it to be so?

Also, don't forget that come August, The Hope of Survivors and many others will be celebrating the 2nd annual Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention campaign. It's already time to start making plans for events in your area. The time will pass by quickly, so if you're interested in hosting or sponsoring an event in your area, please email us and let us know.

God bless you in this wonderful New Year!

Samantha Nelson

Vice President & CEO

Christmas Blessings from The Hope of Survivors

THOS — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 03:06:08 GMT

Dear Friends,

It's difficult to think that another year has passed so quickly! The Hope of Survivors has been directly assisting hundreds of new victims throughout the world this past year, and we know those numbers will continually increase, especially given the thousands who visit the website each month. You have made it possible for The Hope of Survivors to be a blessing to victims, pastors and church leaders in many countries, and we thank you for your prayers, time, and support.

For victims, especially, Christmas can be a painful reminder of their loss of church home and family, spiritual leadership and support. For this reason, I am including the following poem, which takes us back before Christ's birth, to the abuse Mary must have suffered from the "church" of her day, to now--a time when abuse from the pulpit appears to be pandemic.

How Do I See the Foot of the Cross When the Pulpit is in the Way?

By Mary*

Don't look at the pulpit, it wouldn't stay.
The shepherd may be a hireling anyway.

Look over there, by the wall,
See the manger, hay and all?

See Mary pregnant with new life?
Joseph, protector from the church's strife.

Mary knew what people said.
She probably turned many shades of red.

Some folks wanted to put her away.
Some picked up stones aimed for her that day.

But her fiancée, he said, "nay."
He said, "I'll marry her anyway."

What had her folks thought? Dare we say?
Had they put her out? Saying, "Stay away!"

She had been upright, her character the same.
Now friends blamed her, using names of shame.

The priest said, "Don't come to church."
She was left on a spiritual search.

Yep, folks talked for many a moon.
Now the baby is coming very soon.

* A Pseudonym

During this season, and always, I pray we will show the love of Christ to all with whom we come in contact, and that each of us will renew our commitment to making church a safe place for all, and a source of healing and hope for victims.

May God richly bless you and your loved ones this Christmas and throughout the New Year!

Samantha, Steve and The Hope of Survivors' Directors, Officers & Volunteers

P.S. Please keep in mind that our offices will be closed for the holidays and for travel to/from the seminars we will be conducting at GYC from December 23-January 2.

Pastoral Sexual Abuse: Why Do They Do It?

AnnetteA — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 02:35:08 GMT

By Ardis Stenbakken

Almost every time you open a newspaper or see a local news report, you are likely to read or see a story involving sexual abuse by a teacher, pastor, lawyer, coach, caregiver, doctor, therapist, political leader, or church leader. In our small city one of the biggest stories of the spring was about a teacher caught naked in a car with one of her 16-year-old male students. And of course we have all known about the clergy sexual abuse stories from Ireland. Here in the United States there has been one story after another about a political leader involved in some sort of sexual scandal. Other countries are not exempt either.

Reading and thinking about these stories, I have to ask myself, Why do they do it?

I am not an expert, just someone who cares a great deal about the victims. As I think about this issue, I think the answer is: They do it because they can. You see, these cases are not simply about abuse; they are about power.

Because the abuser has some type of power, some authority, some prestige that puts the abused in a position of inferiority, it makes it extremely difficult to stand up to the abuser, especially if the abused is a child or someone who is seeking help for some issue; they go into the relationship with a need. The person in power may have some economic control, have some sort of influence over the victim, may have physical power, informational power, psychological or emotional power, and even spiritual control—someone who is “closer to God, and knows the Bible better,” than the abused.

Unfortunately, when boundaries are crossed, someone always gets hurt, and often it is the person who has the power as well as the “victim.” And when it is a church leader, not only do the individuals get hurt, but so does the church and the mission of the church. In other words, abuse of power is not a victimless crime, nor does the perpetrator skate free.

The Bible is full of stories about power, the good use of power, and the abuse of power: The first and most obvious is that of Lucifer who became known as Satan. He had power, but he wanted more power. He used his position to poison the minds of a third of the angels. Not satisfied with causing them to fall, he went to work on Adam and Eve and all those who came after. Once again, the abuser and the abused are hurt—Satan will get his final punishment at the end of the thousand years.

The misuse of power is often subtle. It can be seen in manipulation. This certainly happened in the Garden of Eden. Sometimes the abuse of power comes in the form of “poor me,” or by causing one to doubt; this again was used in the Garden of Eden. And sometimes the abuser tries to force by saying, “After all I’ve done for you!” All these are dishonest, abusive, and manipulative.

The opposite of Satan and his abuse of power is Jesus, the one who is the all powerful, the Almighty, the one Who never used His power for his own benefit. In fact He laid His power aside and took the position of a servant. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). He is our example. He knew and respected boundaries. He never forced anyone—and He still doesn’t. He gives us choice and freedom.

One of the stories in the Bible that can really help us understand this whole issue of abuse of power is the story of David and Bathsheba. Historically we have looked at this story simply as a story of adultery. It is still adultery, but we need to take a new look at the story.

More than once, David had exercised great restraint in use of power. He had understood boundaries. He had listened to Abigail and didn’t kill her husband and all those around him. David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me” (1 Samuel 25:32). When David had the opportunity to kill Saul, he instead cut off a corner of his robe. David even felt guilty about that. The Bible says, “Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the Lord’” (1 Samuel 24:5, 6). A similar experience came later when David took the spear and water jug from beside Saul’s head (1 Samuel 26).

But when David saw and desired Bathsheba, he ignored boundaries and used his considerable power to get what he wanted. Some have suggested that Bathsheba had tempted him, and could have refused his advances. Those who suggest this do not understand the power of an ancient king. And even if she could have refused David, he was the one who should have been responsible. Larry W. Spielman, who has written about leadership and prevention of church professional misconduct writes, “Some have pointed the finger at Bathsheba, suggesting that she seduced David by bathing where the king was sure to notice her. This makes Bathsheba, not David, responsible for the king’s inability to control his erotic urges. Such a suggestion is ludicrous. Even if Bathsheba behaved in a way to arouse the king’s passions, King David is fully responsible for what he does. Despite her beauty and allure, Bathsheba does not have the ability to cause the king to lose all sense of control and responsibility any more than Goliath had the ability to cause David to be afraid. Indeed, in the latter crisis David remained calm and in control (1 Samuel 17:36-37).”

David was seen as a religious and political leader. He was expected to hold a higher level of accountability. But he let down his God, himself, Bathsheba, his country, his friend Uriah, and his family—because of his sin he was never able to discipline his sons.

Sometimes a person in power will excuse abuse by saying this action was a “private matter.” Sometimes the legal term is used of “consenting adults.” But what David thought was private was not private and it affected the entire nation. He found “your sins will find you out” (Numbers 33:23).

We need to challenge our churches, our power structures, to adapt policies that will help maintain boundaries and support those who are abused. Scripture calls us to reform/change the way our power institutions work. Jeremiah 7:1-7 reminds us that we are to change our actions, deal justly, not oppress the powerless, not shed innocent blood (the ultimate abuse), not follow other gods (including the drunken god of power and abuse).

We also need to support each other, helping all to understand boundaries and the danger of submitting to one in power. We need to help those in power understand their boundaries and hold them to them. When we are clear as to what abuse of power is, we are better able to withstand it and to deal with it.

THEN, wonderful things will happen for the people of God.

[Ardis Stenbakken retired the end of 2004 from being director of the Women’s Ministries Department at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. She and her husband live in Loveland, Colorado, where she continues to edit the Women’s Ministries devotional book series, take speaking appointments, write, and other Women’s Ministries and church assignments.]

This article was originally published in the October edition of Hopespeak. You can find it in its entirety here.

Highlights from August Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention Campaign Events - 2011

THOS — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 09:47:37 GMT

Below are some of the highlights from the events that took place throughout the Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention campaign:

Steve & Samantha Nelson were guests on the program God Answers Prayer, hosted by Ted Gonzales and Linda Cobb on KCHF-TV (Son Broadcasting) in Santa Fe, NM.
Volunteers Gail & Elgin Jenkins staffed The Hope of Survivors’ exhibit at the Pacific Union Conference Session & Ministerial Council held in Ontario, CA. Gail reported things went very well, with many pastors and leaders requesting more information about the organization and more involvement with other initiatives to end abuse within the church. Both English and Spanish booklets, as well as the Enough Is Enough, buttons were distributed at this event.

Update of benefit concert held in Simpsonville, SC, August 6, 2011:

We were blessed to be able to participate in the Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness month by hosting a benefit concert at Word of Life International Ministries in Simpsonville,SC. We had anointed musicians and singers that lead us straight into the presence of God. The testimonies were filled with hope and healing. I was so inspired by the bravery of those who stood up and shared their experiences with us. Our attendance was low, but that was to be expected when breaking new ground in an area that is saturated with clergy sexual and spiritual abuse. I believe that those in attendance were ordained to be there. We are hoping to do another CSA Awareness event within the next six months or so. We realize that we will have to continue to plow the spiritual ground in the upstate area of South Carolina and stand firm in our resolve to eradicate CSA from the Body of Christ. I want to thank Hope of Survivors for their support and contribution to this event. May God richly bless you as you continue to bring hope and healing to survivors of Clergy Sexual Abuse.
Denah Moon
Soul Care Ministries
Head Counselor

Update of benefit concert held in Vancouver, WA, August 19, 2011:

A gathering of about 30 people was present for the concert and testimonies held at Oasis Christian Center, in Vancouver, Washington, on 8/19/11. The concert presented “spiritual-recovery music” by Linda B-K (Linda Beldin-Korter, LCSW) accompanied by the Awaken Music Band with Rob Louis and Jeff Hancutt. Three survivors of clergy sexual abuse presented testimonies. Linda, who also described the progressive steps that occurred in the process of the abuser towards the victim, presented the closing testimony. The program flier also included Progressive Steps To Healing (from clergy sexual abuse), also from Linda’s personal experience. This event was felt to be positive, spiritual, Jesus-centered, and uplifting to all present.
Some (who were unable to make it to the concert) checked out The Hope of Survivors’ website and were amazed at how in-depth it was and grateful that THOS is available. One pastor (not at the concert) also told of how he found out many years after the fact that a member of the clergy had abused one of the women attending his church; he spoke about how difficult recovery was for her.
Reported by Linda Beldion-Korter, LCSW

Abuse is Always Wrong

AnnetteA — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 17:03:19 GMT

Labor Day weekend is finally here. For many of us, this marks the end of long, hot summer, with school, work, and cooler weather just over the horizon.

Our first annual Enough is Enough campaign to raise awareness about Clergy Sexual Abuse was a success (thanks to many of you!), and I'll be sharing some of your reflections about it as they become available.

As I glanced through the blog stats this morning, I noticed an unusual search term for this blog:

when a church abuses a pastor's family

Of course our readers know that most of the people who find comfort and support here have suffered from abuse at the hands of a pastor or spiritual leader.

Nevertheless, this concept-in-reverse got me thinking.

Sadly, I do know that the reality of congregants abusing their pastor is real (and highly destructive), having several close friends who are pastors/wives myself. I've listened to their stories as they've described impossible expectations, undeserved criticism, and complaints that range from petty to hostile; most of which are without basis or the root issues are so trivial, that they're hardly worth raising an issue over.

At The Hope of Survivors we speak in depth about the damage that a corrupt pastor can cause, but we also know that most pastors are good people; faithful and true to God's word and His standard for caring for people.

Abuse is always wrong. And abusing others in Church, whether the victim is a vulnerable congregant seeking out a trusted counselor, or the Pastor himself, is a violation of every commandment that Jesus came to teach us.

One guiding principle that I come back to time and again, especially when faced with a challenge in the scope of any social realm is this:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Proverbs 9:10

This verse speaks to our awareness that God is watching over everything we do and say, and each thought that entertain. Our treatment of others, both to their face and behind their back, is always before the watchful eyes of God, and we will be called into account for our every interaction.

Certainly a pastor should know this, which is why we hold them to such a high standard. But let us also remember our responsibility to respect others and fear the Lord, even when we don't possess a leadership title or a formally recognized mantle of authority.

Thankfully, no matter who we are, or what the source of our deepest hurts may be, God is our refuge and strength, and is more than able to restore and heal our every wound.

We hope that you all had a restful and healing summer, and remember, if you need help or support please contact us.

More updates coming soon!

Pastoral Sexual Abuse: An Activist Speaks Out

AnnetteA — Sun, 14 Aug 2011 23:03:19 GMT

"...ministers are not licensed counselors. Faith leaders who serve as counselors have no governing board to be reported to or held accountable to. So, for example, if a female congregant goes to her minister for counseling during a spiritual crisis, if that particular minister is a perpetrator, he can violate her during her most vulnerable emotional state. If you are in need of counseling, please seek out a state licensed counselor instead.
More information and resources are available through The Hope Of Survivors Web site. For victims, please know that you need not suffer alone." ~ Suzanne Cyr

As an advocate for clergy sexual abuse survivors, Suzanne Cyr has been working tirelessly to shine light on the complex issues surrounding CSA during our Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness month-long campaign.

The Portsmouth Herald's online publication, Seacoast Online, recently published Suzanne's thought provoking editorial, Law Doesn't Protect Parishioners. The comments that follow her post bring up some interesting points, and are among some of the most sensitive responses on the subject of CSA that I've ever read in a public forum.

For more information on our Enough is Enough campaign, please visit: www.clergysexualabuseawarenessday.com

If you, or someone you know is involved this type of abuse, please contact us. We can help.

Heal, Educate, Prevent

AnnetteA — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 05:14:56 GMT

"The high spiritual calling of the clergy must be matched with an equally high moral response. Everywhere from the seminary down to the church pew we must educate ourselves and future clergy men and women about the respect owed to one another in the clergy-client relationship. This important awareness and prevention day will go far to remind us all of our moral duties to one another."—Lourdes Morales-Gudmundsson, Ph.D., speaker and author I Forgive You, But....

Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention Day is here!

Please join us at The Hope of Survivors as we raise awareness during this month long event.

Our calendar of events can be seen here. All are invited and welcome to attend. Please contact us for more information.

Soul Survivor: Getting Back Up After Sexual Abuse

AnnetteA — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:14:49 GMT

Yesterday I had a cathartic experience while watching Soul Surfer—the story of Bethany Hamilton. I’d heard bits and pieces about the movie, but hadn’t really given much thought to it, and primarily went because the viewing time worked with my schedule. I was not expecting the powerful and inspiring message that this story delivers.

*Spoiler Alert—if you don’t want to know details about this movie, then read no further.

In the movie, a talented young surfer, Bethany Hamilton, suffers a sudden shark attack while surfing with a group of friends on a day like any other in her young life. The brutal attack leaves Bethany without an arm and fighting for her life. Her courage is remarkable and her strength’s an inspiration, especially to those who’ve faced life-changing loss.

I already knew this as the basic premise of the movie, so why did I cry myself through the entire show, especially when I’m really not much of a cry-er?

The truth is, I was completely unprepared for the many spiritual analogies throughout Bethany’s story: Her idealistic and carefree life—suddenly and dramatically changed without any forewarning—one moment she was following her dream, and the next she’s fighting for her life. The way those who care about Bethany also suffered as they were impacted by such life-altering change was so tenderly portrayed, I couldn’t help but feel enormous sadness for what they were going through, as they all walked on eggshells around her after the accident.

But perhaps what touched me the most in this story was the strength of Bethany’s mother, who’s worst fears were nearly realized as her daughter’s life was left in shambles, yet somehow she never let her own fear get in the way of what her daughter needed. Her unfailing support for Bethany was both balanced and respectful, such rare qualities—especially in the face of long-term trauma.

In fact, no one in the movie ever seems to be afraid of sharks, either before or after the brutal attack, which I found challenging if not interesting. Or at least they never let their unspoken fears stop them from living according to their talent. As one outside of the surfing culture, I’d assume that a serious shark phobia would persist, especially after suddenly losing a limb to one, but this just didn’t seem to be the case. And I appreciated this.

Bethany’s road to recovery was not without its dark days. Her first surfing competition was something of a disaster as she appeared to be undeniably disadvantaged, with only one arm to balance her board. Relentlessly beaten down beneath the powerful force of wave after wave, Bethany just couldn’t seem to get on top of the surf and eventually needed to be rescued. Soon after this perceived failure, she abandoned her beloved sport altogether and headed off on a mission trip to a tsunami-ravaged Thailand—part aimless wanderer and part sojourner on a quest for insight, in my interpretation her journey seemed proactive and admirable.

Then, somewhere along her path toward healing, Bethany gained the spiritual perspective she needed, invoking within her a sense of purpose and a renewed determination to get back up and try again. With the help of those around her, she worked hard to rebuild muscle and learned new ways to physically compensate for what had been lost.

Of course her comeback is amazing—there would be no movie without it. It is in these moments of style and grace, with Bethany riding on top of the waves, where anyone watching knows they’ve witnessed a miracle. And to hear her give the glory for her recovery to God adds a dimension of beauty rarely seen in a big screen Hollywood production.

So what about you and I? What has the story of Soul Surfer to do with the losses we’ve endured? Most of us don’t surf at competitive levels, nor have we physically lost a limb or been suddenly attacked by a man-eating shark, yet the way that I see it, so much of Bethany’s story is directly relevant to what we’ve experienced.

How many of us feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves that we’ll never get back? How often have the relentless waves of turmoil and depression pounded us down to the point of despair, mocking our inability to get up or to move on? How can we ever hope to live the life that we once did when so much has been lost and destroyed, or when so many have turned their backs on us?

Because I’ve lived it, and because I’ve also witnessed others survive pastoral sexual abuse, I can tell you that by the grace and mercy of God we can get back up. We can exercise our spiritual freedom by drawing near to Christ as we learn to adapt and compensate for what’s been lost. We can also seek out the perspective of Christ on the issues of abuse, which are clearly outlined in God’s Word, and apply them to our hearts and minds. And once we heal, we, like Bethany, can share our hope with others who’ve also been wounded.

But first we must determine, beyond all fear and weakness, to get back in the water.

If you need some inspiration, I strongly recommend the movie, Soul Surfer. If you need someone to talk to who understands the pain and loss of pastoral sexual abuse, please contact us at The Hope of Survivors—we can help you.

A Bruised Reed He Will Not Break

AnnetteA — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 14:46:45 GMT

By Andrea K. Van Ye

I walked along the edge of the lake in shin high water. My toes flexed in to the sand and left foot prints that soon melted and were gone. The water lapped along the shore with a rhythmic beat and the sun reflected little sprinkles of light across the waves. I wandered along thinking of what was transpiring in my life, what God was doing and what it meant to trust in Him. I was feeling tired and discouraged.

I noticed a small patch of reeds along the shore Some of the reeds appeared strong and reaching upward, swaying freely in the light breeze, but a few were bent over. They were still green and alive, but they were not upright. The patch of reeds was not present the year before; the water was too shallow, and the reeds did not grow unless they were firmly footed below the water. The verse from Isaiah 42:3 came to my mind. "A bruised reed He will not break, and a smouldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice" (NIV).

The bruised reed and smouldering wick represent those who are weary and in need of strength. The bruised reed symbolizes someone who has been damaged by something in its environment, and is feeling bent down and unable to carry the burdens. The smouldering wick symbolizes someone whose inner strength is diminishing, feeling as if they are lacking hope and resisting giving up.

In some sense, we are all bruised and smouldering. The effects of sin have taken their toll. We are all fragile and vulnerable to the world around us. Some of us can hide them better. We have become very good at it after years of having to do so. Sometimes, there is no hiding. It is open for all to see, and we may now have the added burden of shame weighing us down.

Dear reader, have you been bruised? Are you weak and burdened by the trials and pain of this world? Are you feeling damaged, like a reed who is still alive, but has been bent over by the winds and storms? Is your passion smouldering? Are you feeling like you are lacking hope? Are you discouraged, wounded, disappointed, dismayed, or afraid?

Choose Jesus. He will not break you, but restore you to a full life with Him. He will not allow your hope to be extinguished, but will fan in to flame your hope and allow it to burn brightly in a very dark world, where His light is so desperately needed to illuminate the way for others who are hurting. When your heart is set firm in the One who is the Living Water, you can believe that He will, one day, right all the wrongs and all will be well.

The hard part is that we do not always know what that will look like. We may have desires for one thing, but Jesus knows that it is another that is right for us. We must trust, though, that He holds all justice in His hands and knows just what He is doing.

Take heart, dear reader. You are cared for and loved by a powerful God, and yet, nothing escapes His tender care. Your brokenness and weariness matter to Him. Allow Him to lift your downcast face and turn it to Himself. Trust Him. He is faithful.

*Note—Andrea K. Van Ye is a speaker and writer whose passion is encouraging others in their walk with Jesus. You can read more about Andrea on her blog Unfailingly Loved.

Article reprinted with permission

Are You Confused?

AnnetteA — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 18:25:36 GMT

Confused?

As I listen to you tell me your stories of being sexually abused in church situations, the one phrase that always comes up is "I was so confused".

When confusion overwhelms us and clouds our ability to judge a situation for what it is, the results can be devastating. Certainly there are many situations throughout life that leave us confused, however the difference among pastoral sexual abuse survivors is that they never saw anything like this happening to them in what most of consider to be a morally safe place—church.

If you suspect that you've been or are being abused in a church situation, please contact us, we can help you. We've been there ourselves and we understand.

photo courtesy of dan

Share Your Own Story of Abuse: There's Still Time

AnnetteA — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 17:18:44 GMT

Several weeks ago, I posted here about an opportunity to share your own story of pastoral sexual abuse and misconduct. Since then, I've heard from a number of you. Your stories have deeply touched and inspired me.

There is no more powerful way to convey the tremendous damage and suffering that this type of abuse causes, than through the voices of those who've lived through it.

If you'd like to share you story, there's still time. Please email me at annette@thehopeofsurvivors.com.

The Harvest Show Interview: Steve and Samantha Nelson

AnnetteA — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 02:25:58 GMT

Steve and Samantha Nelson had the opportunity recently, to talk about pastoral sexual abuse, share their personal story, and discuss some of the ways that we can all guard ourselves and our churches from this type of destruction.

Follow the links below to watch these interviews on The Harvest Show

The Harvest Show—June 13, 2011

Shame in the Sanctuary: Samantha and Steve Nelson join us to share their disturbing story of pastoral sexual abuse.

Part 1: Listen here
(starts at 20:45)

The Harvest Show—June 14, 2011

Predators in the Pulpit: Samantha and Steve Nelson talk about clergy sexual abuse, and what YOU can do to protect yourself.

Part 2: Listen here
(starts at 18:47)

If you've experienced abuse by your pastor or spiritual leader, please contact us. We can help you.

Pastoral Sexual Abuse: God's Help is Real

AnnetteA — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 03:10:00 GMT

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God. The holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day
Psalm 46:1,2

There have been times in life when I’ve found myself too weary, sad, or spiritually depleted to know where to begin reaching out to God for the help I so desperately need. How grateful I am to know that God is aware of my need even before I am; He’s always been right there and able to help me.

Many survivors have shared about the devastating impact of sexual/spiritual abuse on their relationship with God. When trust has been shattered and God’s Word has been twisted, it’s not difficult to understand why. I personally relate to this, I couldn’t open my own Bible for a very long time after the spiritual leaders in my life used it to fit their own deviant agenda.

I’ve since learned that God has very little patience for those who use His Word to destroy the lives of others. And, on that same note, He has never-ending patience for those of us who’ve found ourselves damaged by those we trusted to spiritually guide us.

Though I completely avoided my Bible, a source of great pain, I also realized that without God’s help there was no hope for healing, or for even making it through a day without crumbling under the weight of all that had gone wrong in my life. Gradually, the Lord helped me to recall scripture passages that I’d memorized years earlier—verses which seemed like a direct response to questions and needs I had, although I was incapable of much clear thought process at all.

Indirectly and almost unbeknownst to me, the influence of God’s word became a huge source of comfort to me.

Prayer was another spiritual element which had been all but destroyed for me. Once gain, God was able to use Bible verses that I’d known most of my life to gently guide me in His direction.

In the midst of my faith crisis I recalled a simple wall hanging from my childhood; an image of the Lord’s Prayer in cross-stitch:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors
And lead us not into temptation But deliver us from the evil one.
Matthew 6:9-13

And when I couldn’t remember how to pray—I’d pray this, somehow knowing that it was enough. I’d simply ask the Lord for my daily bread—which to me meant asking for enough strength to get through that day, and He’d grant just what I needed. What I didn’t realize at the time was that He was also healing me as I learned how to trust Him again.

For you who feel alone and perhaps even spiritually damaged beyond repair—take comfort! He really is near to those with a broken heart. He will not leave you or forsake you and as you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you. These things I know, not only because I’ve experienced them myself, but because the Bible tells us so. And even when evil men abuse, use, and twist God’s words, causing grievous harm and destruction to others—God is faithful to the end; He is The Good Shepherd.

He will not leave us to find our way alone. He didn’t leave me, and He will not leave you.

As always, I invite you to contact us at THOS if you need someone to talk to. We offer free, confidential counseling to those who’ve been abused by clergy. Most of our counselors are also survivors who understand, first hand, what you’re going through. We want to help you.

THOS Has Lots of Action This Summer - Don't Miss Out!‏

AnnetteA — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 13:54:19 GMT

Dear Friends,

I'm excited to let you know about the many events The Hope of Survivors has taking place this Summer. We don't want you to miss out on anything, so here's a brief overview of the schedule of events:

June 13: The Harvest Show will be conducting an interview on The Hope of Survivors.

July (date TBD): Brief discussion of The Hope of Survivors at IL Pastor's meetings.

August 1: Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention Day/Month

August 3-6: The Hope of Survivors will have an exhibit booth at the ASI Convention.

August 6: Survivors stories and benefit concert in Simpsonville, SC.

August 19: Survivors stories and benefit concert in Vancouver, WA.

August 26-28: Spanish Women's Retreat in San Marcos, TX.

August 28: Hope & Healing Conference for victims/survivors in Indianapolis, IN.

August 28-31: The Hope of Survivors will have an exhibit booth at the PUC Session.

More details and information can be found on the website at:

http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/calendar.asp

We encourage you to check the Calendar often and to get involved in planning/hosting an event in your area, as we continue to book programs in honor of the Clergy Sexual Abuse Awareness & Prevention campaign. You may also make your financial contributions online. As a survivor and donor from Florida wrote, "Thank you for all that you have done for us. We've come a long way, and it's exciting to see that your ministry has too. May the Lord continue to bless you and your ministry." It's true; by God's grace and power, The Hope of Survivors has come a long way, yet there's much more to do. Will you help?

Thank you for taking the time to read this message and to help us fight clergy sexual abuse and provide help for countless victims around the world!

God bless you,

Samantha Nelson

Vice President

P.S. Don't forget to register to attend the Hope & Healing Conference in Indianapolis on August 28! The deadline for registration is August 17.