Soul Survivor: Getting Back Up After Sexual Abuse
Yesterday I had a cathartic experience while watching Soul Surfer—the story of Bethany Hamilton. I’d heard bits and pieces about the movie, but hadn’t really given much thought to it, and primarily went because the viewing time worked with my schedule. I was not expecting the powerful and inspiring message that this story delivers.
*Spoiler Alert—if you don’t want to know details about this movie, then read no further.
In the movie, a talented young surfer, Bethany Hamilton, suffers a sudden shark attack while surfing with a group of friends on a day like any other in her young life. The brutal attack leaves Bethany without an arm and fighting for her life. Her courage is remarkable and her strength’s an inspiration, especially to those who’ve faced life-changing loss.
I already knew this as the basic premise of the movie, so why did I cry myself through the entire show, especially when I’m really not much of a cry-er?
The truth is, I was completely unprepared for the many spiritual analogies throughout Bethany’s story: Her idealistic and carefree life—suddenly and dramatically changed without any forewarning—one moment she was following her dream, and the next she’s fighting for her life. The way those who care about Bethany also suffered as they were impacted by such life-altering change was so tenderly portrayed, I couldn’t help but feel enormous sadness for what they were going through, as they all walked on eggshells around her after the accident.
But perhaps what touched me the most in this story was the strength of Bethany’s mother, who’s worst fears were nearly realized as her daughter’s life was left in shambles, yet somehow she never let her own fear get in the way of what her daughter needed. Her unfailing support for Bethany was both balanced and respectful, such rare qualities—especially in the face of long-term trauma.
In fact, no one in the movie ever seems to be afraid of sharks, either before or after the brutal attack, which I found challenging if not interesting. Or at least they never let their unspoken fears stop them from living according to their talent. As one outside of the surfing culture, I’d assume that a serious shark phobia would persist, especially after suddenly losing a limb to one, but this just didn’t seem to be the case. And I appreciated this.
Bethany’s road to recovery was not without its dark days. Her first surfing competition was something of a disaster as she appeared to be undeniably disadvantaged, with only one arm to balance her board. Relentlessly beaten down beneath the powerful force of wave after wave, Bethany just couldn’t seem to get on top of the surf and eventually needed to be rescued. Soon after this perceived failure, she abandoned her beloved sport altogether and headed off on a mission trip to a tsunami-ravaged Thailand—part aimless wanderer and part sojourner on a quest for insight, in my interpretation her journey seemed proactive and admirable.
Then, somewhere along her path toward healing, Bethany gained the spiritual perspective she needed, invoking within her a sense of purpose and a renewed determination to get back up and try again. With the help of those around her, she worked hard to rebuild muscle and learned new ways to physically compensate for what had been lost.
Of course her comeback is amazing—there would be no movie without it. It is in these moments of style and grace, with Bethany riding on top of the waves, where anyone watching knows they’ve witnessed a miracle. And to hear her give the glory for her recovery to God adds a dimension of beauty rarely seen in a big screen Hollywood production.
So what about you and I? What has the story of Soul Surfer to do with the losses we’ve endured? Most of us don’t surf at competitive levels, nor have we physically lost a limb or been suddenly attacked by a man-eating shark, yet the way that I see it, so much of Bethany’s story is directly relevant to what we’ve experienced.
How many of us feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves that we’ll never get back? How often have the relentless waves of turmoil and depression pounded us down to the point of despair, mocking our inability to get up or to move on? How can we ever hope to live the life that we once did when so much has been lost and destroyed, or when so many have turned their backs on us?
Because I’ve lived it, and because I’ve also witnessed others survive pastoral sexual abuse, I can tell you that by the grace and mercy of God we can get back up. We can exercise our spiritual freedom by drawing near to Christ as we learn to adapt and compensate for what’s been lost. We can also seek out the perspective of Christ on the issues of abuse, which are clearly outlined in God’s Word, and apply them to our hearts and minds. And once we heal, we, like Bethany, can share our hope with others who’ve also been wounded.
But first we must determine, beyond all fear and weakness, to get back in the water.
If you need some inspiration, I strongly recommend the movie, Soul Surfer. If you need someone to talk to who understands the pain and loss of pastoral sexual abuse, please contact us at The Hope of Survivors—we can help you.
Categories: Annette's Posts
Tags: clergy sexual abuse pastor misconduct affair Bethany Hamilton Soul Surfer movie
Wow--that is good food for thought. Thanks for posting.....(makes me want to check out "Soul Surfer!)
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Have the tissues ready, Sheila.
I'd love to hear you thoughts, after you watch it!
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It takes alot of courage to get back up after clergy sexual abuse to return to church or even go to another church, trust people again, and especially reconnect with God. The problem that many of us have is that the shark is sometimes still waiting to take another bite out of us when we try to heal and move on. We have to try to navigate through this or around this dangerous shark that is still lurking just out of sight.
In my case, my abuser still continues to take jabs at me through other people when I try to step back into the water so to speak after finding a new church home, re-entering ministry and mission work by interferring with these efforts in subtle non-obvious ways.
I continue to press on and move ahead despite this, but must admit that it continues to discourage me,causes me stress and to be constantly on alert.
This isn't just paranoia. Again recently, he has used a previous friend at our past church who contracted us to do work for her to relay information about us to him and even try to shame and pressure us into coming back to the church to visit our "friends" who miss us and some who won't supposedly ever understand and forgive us for leaving.
I basically shrugged this off and let her know that right now this is the path that we have taken and ignored her invitation to visit our previous church as nicely as I possibly could without going into the reason that we wouldn't.
After this, she took a stab at me by making an off-hand comment that my husband has a nice slave because I happened to bring him lunch to her house when I delivered some tools that he needed to complete the job for her because it ended up being more difficult than he thought it would be.
This "slave" idea came directly from this pastor who was jealous of the loving and thoughtful things that I did for my husband. He could only reason that I did these things because I was a slave to my husband, not as a responce to a normal, loving relationship that I had with my husband where we did nice things for each other,helping each other in our everyday lives and our business that we are trying to build together.
My responce to this remark was to say that my husband and I know better than this and I said goodbye and left. We finished this job and treated her with respect despite what she said to us.
The only thing I can think to do is to keep going forward and try to overcome each obstacle as it comes up, to persist in my effort to move on and make a new life to live out my faith and serve the Lord one day at a time.
Jesus did this when he suffered persecution, insults, torture, and death at the hands of his accusers and abusers. He persisted in ministry and His Father's plan despite and death did not conquer him. He was raised up above all and was victorious over death. Where are his accusers and those who abused him now?
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Lynn,
I'm so glad that you can recognize the games that are played for what they are (attempts to continue to control or undermine you).
You are very strong and I have no doubt that you'll continue to put one foot in front of the other, with the help of the Lord, as you move on in your new direction. But I am sorry to hear that you still have to deal with these things.
Thanks for sharing your experiences here.
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While reading this morning, I came across Ezekiel 34. It gave me continued hope in God who is becoming my Chief Shepherd after being used and abused by my pastor who was supposed to be a shepherd but instead, fed himself. God will not let that go unnoticed. He will gather everyone who was scattered, who were wounded by shepherds who fed themselves rather than taking care of their flock. He will become our Shepherd, and will heal our wounds and give us strength to get back up again……..
“Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: As surely as I live, says the Sovereign Lord, you abandoned my flock and left them to be attacked by every wild animal. And though you were my shepherds, you didn’t search for my sheep when they were lost. You took care of yourselves and left the sheep to starve. Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord. This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I now consider these shepherds my enemies, and I will hold them responsible for what has happened to my flock. I will take away their right to feed the flock, and I will stop them from feeding themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths; the sheep will no longer be their prey.
“For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search and find my sheep. I will be like a shepherd looking for his scattered flock. I will find my sheep and rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on that dark and cloudy day. I will bring them back home to their own land of Israel from among the peoples and nations. I will feed them on the mountains of Israel and by the rivers and in all the places where people live. Yes, I will give them good pastureland on the high hills of Israel. There they will lie down in pleasant places and feed in the lush pastures of the hills. I myself will tend my sheep and give them a place to lie down in peace, says the Sovereign Lord. I will search for my lost ones who strayed away, and I will bring them safely home again. I will bandage the injured and strengthen the weak. But I will destroy those who are fat and powerful. I will feed them, yes—feed them justice!”
Ezekiel 34:7-16 (NLT)
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Thank you MJ for God's word of promise that he will search for us, rescue us and provide for our needs, give us peace and security, heal our wounds and strengthen us, as well as serve justice to those who were entrusted over us and have hurt us.
Just reading this passage, spurred me to pick up the bible this morning to read it and look for other passages that encourage and strengthen me. It has been several weeks since I last picked up the bible to read God's word due to the incidents that has happened in the past 3-4 weeks that have upset me once again.
May God bless you for being an instrument of encouragement by reminding me of His promises.
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Thank you,Lynn. The Ezekiel passage ministered to me too in reminding me that God is our Shepherd and He will tend to our needs, heal our wounds, and administer justice! I strongly encourage you to read God's word as much as possible because He alone can heal us! I've been reading through the Psalms this past year that have been quite healing. THOS has been a huge help to me in this area, always reminding us to seek God in our healing. One of my vulnerabilities that led to my pastor abusing me is seeking man for help, more than I should have. Although I'm not reading as much as I would like, I am moving forward and I am always ministered to when I do read.
I am so sorry you are still hearing remarks from the 'pastor' who abused you and I can understand the discouragement you are facing from that. When I hear anything about my former 'pastor,' it tends to bring me down. Again, God is our refuge, shelter, and only place of safety. Justice will prevail and God will continue to take care of us!
Praying for you.....
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