Exchanging a Settlement for Silence
Today comes word of a large settlement agreement between Bishop Eddie Long and four of his accusers. Of course we can expect to hear very little about this, as lawyers wrap up the legal details—which no doubt include a gag over the entire scandal.
Says a spokesman for the victims:
“Neither attorney Bernstein nor the plaintiffs themselves will be available for interview on this matter, now or in the future.”
I don’t blame the victims here. After all, we all long for some form of justice. God created this longing within us for good reason; perhaps knowing the pursuit would be costly.
However, this does leave me wondering what the true price of this arranged silence will be?
In one of today’s news articles on the subject, Ranae Walker, observer to an unrelated church scandal, reflected on what it was like growing up in a Southern Pentecostal Church amidst abuse allegations similar to those leveled against Bishop Long.
Here’s how Walker remembers her experience with Bishop Earl Paulk:
Walker was a teenager when the first scandal hit the church. Paulk was accused of having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a few women in the church and other members were also accused of playing a role in the manipulation of the women.
Walker took it hard, and she was not the only one. "I remember my grandmother saying, 'I cannot believe this. We have to keep praying for bishop.' The entire family took it hard."
In this same article Walker also expresses her desire to overlook the sexual sins of the now deceased Bishop Paulk, as well as the misdeeds of the current scandal-making headliner, Bishop Eddie Long:
"People really believe once a pastor or bishop does something wrong they cannot further support them. I look at man as man. They have temptations, they have mistakes, they are not God," she said. "If my dad does something wrong, he does not stop being my dad. The same should go for churches."
Though we at The Hope of Survivors understand these issues to be a blatant abuse of power, without the voice of either of these Bishop’s victims we can’t really blame Ms. Walker for rationalizing events in a way that makes sense to her.
Furthermore, the option of silence is available to each one of us who’ve experienced this type of sexual abuse at the hands of a spiritual leader.
Perhaps we remember the desperation of our own abuser, pleading with us to carry the burden of silence as we dutifully accepted responsibility for his ministry. Compounding this distress, the pressure to keep quiet rarely stops with our abuser, as many churches also endorse quiet resolution which often means receiving validation equivalent to little more than a patronizing pat on the head.
Each of us must then decide if we can remain silent. Or if telling our story is what will bring some form of accountability, and perhaps even help with our own journey of healing.
And we must also weigh the value of sharing our experience. The value which comes through educating others and preventing the same devastation we’ve endured from pastoral sexual abuse.
*Note—there is no way that I assume to know the pressure that Bishop Long’s accusers have been under to reach a settlement. Nor do I judge them or blame them for reaching this conclusion in the legal matter. Rather, I hope they find true healing and are at complete peace with their decision—and wish them well.
This being said, I do take issue with those in power who manipulate others into silence. I hope this wasn’t the case here.
If you need confidential help, please contact us. Also, if you'd like to share your own story of pastoral sexual abuse, there's still time. Please contact me at annette@thehopeofsurvivors.com
Categories: In The News
Tags: Bishop Eddie Long scandal Earl Paulk pastor sexual abuse
"People really believe once a pastor or bishop does something wrong they cannot further support them. I look at man as man. They have temptations, they have mistakes, they are not God," she said. "If my dad does something wrong, he does not stop being my dad. The same should go for churches."
This is a very disturbing statement that is a lie and hinders the work of The Hope of Survivors in bringing the truth about clergy sexual abuse. Unfortunately, it is a sentiment held too closely by many people in the church. No one who has been sexually abused by their pastor can agree to this thought unless they are living in denial. When a father sexually abuses his child, he must be held accountable, cannot be trusted to be alone with children, gives up his role as a ‘dad,’ and should not be allowed to remain in that position of authority. A pastor that takes advantage of a vulnerable woman in his church by sexually abusing her is not an easy mistake, a fleeting temptation, or simply doing something wrong. It is a planned move, a blatant abuse of power, and does grave damage. As a result, he must never be allowed to remain in the role of pastor. While it hurts to hear comments such as the one above, God knows the truth; He will deal with men who have sex with a member of their congregation. I believe it would be better for him if a millstone was tied around his neck and he is thrown into the sea. This also goes for a ‘dad’ who sexually abuses his child.
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Great analogy, MJ. Thank you so much for putting this into words. I fully agree.
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I should also clarify that Bishop Earl Paulk did have victims come forward and give direct (public) testimony against him--and very disturbing testimony I might add.
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The issue at hand is not that ministers and pastors are not allowed to be human. The issue is... will they be held accountable? If a pastor is repentant, and willing to go through a healing/restoration process, then I have no problem standing by them as they make their journey to wholeness. However, this is not the case for most pastors that are exposed. Most of the pastors that are exposed will turn the tables on the victims and put the blame on anyone else besides themselves. It is about accountability. Yes, we should have empathy and compassion for these people, but don't forget about the countless lives that they have affected by their sin. Families torn apart, children damaged, churches destroyed, people losing faith in God... the list goes on and on. Because this is LEADERS we are talking about, it makes a big difference. No man is an island. What a pastor does, wheither good or bad will affect MANY people. DONT FORGET THE VICTIMS!! They have been forgotten and "thrown away" by their pastors, church, and even their friends and families as they "stand by their pastor"...
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agreed... REPENT and a process.
MEN are 'human' and can make mistakes.
There is a difference between a mistake and a pattern of manipulation with an intent to abuse! HUGE DIFFERENCE!
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I agree that there is a huge difference between a mistake and a pattern of manipulation with an intent to abuse. I also believe that even if there isn't a pattern of manipulation, if it was only one time a pastor abused his position by sexual involvement with a member under his care, he must never be placed in that authoritative role again. Using his position to satisfy his own needs is not merely a mistake. It is a full blown blatant abuse of power and the woman most likely, was vulnerable and trusted him completely only because of his position of a spiritual caregiver. I also believe that repentance and a 'time off' period does not deem him eligible to become a pastor again. A pastor's role is sacred and when abused, it automatically disqualifies him from that privilege.
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Kimberly, I would ask you this question.... if a man has sexually abused a child, would you feel the same way? There is a reason that we have a sexual offender's registry. Most sexual offenders will repeat their crimes. The case with Clergy that abuse.... they will, in the majority of their cases, repeat their actions. What has happened in the church is the accountability factor. God DOES love these leaders. But just as God loves them, He also holds them at a higher accountability because of the power they operate in over the Body of Christ. Most clergy that sexually abuse and manipulate have been doing it for a WHILE. By the time it is exposed, there have been many victims and many lives damaged FOREVER. Of course there needs to be a restoration process... but the Church must also protect congregants from ever being abused by the offending leader again.
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A sex registry for pastors who pursue women they are called to protect is an excellent idea with the hope of preventing another child of God from being wounded in this horrific way. Someone mentioned this idea, in an article on clergy sexual abuse, because pastors who are forced to resign can simply move to another location and start the process all over again. In my case, if my husband or myself hear that our former 'pastor' is back in ministry, we will contact them with the information we have in order to prevent him from hurting another wounded sheep. That is our only recourse currently available. May God work quickly to bring justice to those abused by their spiritual leaders....
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