You Are Not Having an Affair with Your Pastor
Words like “adultery,” “affair,” “relationship,” etc., typically take the forefront when an adult is abused. Let’s be clear: You are not having an affair with your pastor. These are improper words to describe what happens in this type of situation. The “relationship” between a pastor and his congregant (or counselor/counselee, etc.) is NOT an “affair”—it is ABUSE. Due to the imbalance of power in the relationship between Pastor/Congregant (Teacher/Student, Counselor/Counselee, etc.), there can be no mutual consent to any type of intimate behavior or s
exual activity.
In fact, a woman who has been victimized in the past (either during her childhood or in other ways) may find that she is, in effect, virtually UNABLE to WITHHOLD consent. She may feel, due to circumstances, that she is not free to refuse any unwanted sexual advances. In reality, she may be subconsciously re-enacting her earlier abuse (by someone else) in the situation with the pastor, especially if the pastor is much older than she is and if he is not someone she would ever be attracted to if it were not for his power, age and authority over her. Pastoral sexual abuse doesn’t always occur due to transference. Sometimes it happens simply because the pastor is a sexual predator.
The abuse is more than just a physical or emotional abuse. When a pastor (or elder or anyone seen as a spiritual leader in the church) betrays his sacred trust, it is spiritual abuse as well, spiritual adultery, if you will.
The original article can be found here. Please contact us if you have questions, or need help.
Categories: Pastoral Sexual Abuse
Tags: pastor affair adultery abuse power counselor sexual
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