When Faith Gets Twisted: My Story of Sex Abuse in Church

By Annette Anderson

I didn’t see it coming. Never imagined myself vulnerable to sexual temptation, much less an extra marital relationship. When I fell into one with my pastor, the effect on my life couldn’t have been more devastating.

My church had issues which created a ripe environment for spiritual abuse. Its emphasis on perfect behavior and a prophetic connection to God laid a dangerous foundation. Words such as authority, obey, submit, and power were loaded with implications which served our leaders’ objective to take us in any direction they wanted to go.

Insulated from most outside influence, independent thoughts and opinions were not welcome in our church community. Anyone who voiced concern for the direction we were heading was labeled an agent of Satan. Our defensive and spiritually superior culture became an increasingly toxic environment.

The youngest of our three pastors was a breath of fresh air in the mix. Enthusiastic and visionary, he seemed especially eager to sacrifice everything for God and encouraged others to do the same. Fueled by an experience where God had spared his life as an infant, his charisma and passion were inspiring to those of us he visited on a near daily basis.

I’m not sure when he began to turn his attention toward me in an inappropriate way. He was always a bit over the top, but at the time, I didn’t think twice about it. Whether blinded by gratitude for the counseling sessions which miraculously saved my marriage, or his constant offers to babysit my kids, one thing’s for sure—the words predator, grooming, and cult were not part of my vocabulary—otherwise I’d have run the other way.

The sudden death of my pastor’s young wife devastated our church community. Yet he seemed to prophetically foresee the tragedy coming. The fire had been so hot, he told me through tears; there was nothing left of her. He was so strong—another sign of his profound connection with God. But he’d need my help to get through his grief. God told him this would be allowed and for me to withhold my comfort would be selfishness on my part, which would ultimately displease God.

God is doing something new here.  I don’t know why this is allowed, but I know its God.  God’s showing His love through me; this must be why she had to die… 

My pastor’s words were beyond persuasive—they were directive. His life-long special connection to God assured me that he knew better than I. The fact that morality was relative to a higher way of spiritual thinking was something I’d never before considered, yet many things preached from our pulpit seemed to confirm that God’s methods were subject to change.

Would I help God’s new work, or hinder it?  Comfort a man in his darkest hour, or participate in his persecution?  Was I in, or would I be outside of God’s new move?  The choice was mine, or so I thought, and I wouldn’t say no to God.

He arranged our rendezvous in a hotel room far away from our church community. This confused me. I wasn’t sure why we’d sneak around if this was part of what God was doing. Meeting for sex became a regular occurrence between my pastor and me.

Attention from other women also became needed by him, due to hostile accusations coming his way. The exact nature of these accusations was vague to me as most of my information came from him. According to my pastor—he was suffering from acute spiritual persecution in addition to his grief-stricken state of widowhood. He needed¸ and was entitled to, all the comfort he could get.  

My pastor’s spiritualization of sex had a devastating impact on my life. I couldn’t reconcile what was happening to me. Despite all attempts to rationalize it, sin was still sin, and its destructive force worked into every crevice of my soul, mind, and spirit.  

I eventually became housebound with depression and, to the neglect of my husband and three small children, rarely got out of bed.

Cigarettes replaced food and alcohol released my mind from its tortured state of confusion and regret. Fearing my deteriorated state a threat to his own survival, my pastor paired me with a pseudo-friend—another woman with whom he’d also been having a sexual relationship—a fact I did not realize at the time. Her presence was comforting. Together, we seemed barely able to survive. 

Between the sudden death of the pastor’s young wife, accusations of his involvement with several women, and some power maneuvering between the three pastors of our troubled church, life was rapidly falling apart on all counts.

For reasons only God knows, I began to read my Bible again. What I found on its pages in no way matched the road my life had taken. Through His Word the Lord began to realign my moral compass, showing me His boundaries for not only sex, but for the proper use of power and the right treatment of others. My fog cleared as I realized the magnitude of abuses within my church.

I recognized my need to get away from the twisted influence of my pastor and sought help from a professional counselor—an act which saved my life. Eventually I mustered the courage to move away and end all contact with him. 

The next several years took twists and turns I’d never imagined. My pastor was arrested, tried, and convicted for the murder of his wife. Her death was the result of a prophetic alliance between him and the woman he’d paired me with. Chilling details of the murder and sexual abuses still challenge my perceptions about Christianity.

Since this trauma, I’ve found a relationship with the true Jesus of the Bible. I’ve learned that those who use church to gain power and access to unsuspecting people will ultimately answer to God for it.

Above all, I’m grateful that the Lord saved me and restored my family. May His good work endure forever…

*Note—Much of my story’s been told in the book, A Twisted Faith, by Gregg Olsen. The Investigation Discovery Channel will tell a larger version tonight, in an episode of Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets—which includes the story of how my former pastor, Nick Hacheney, murdered his young wife, Dawn.

Time and channel listings for the ID Channel can be found here.