Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.   2 Corinthians 1:3,4

While puttering around my house this morning, a thought popped into my mind—one that I haven’t had in a long time: Why didn’t God protect me and my family? Why didn’t He prevent us from ever having crossed paths with that evil Pastor? For a moment I even felt the old pain that comes with the memories of shame and regret, and imagined what life might have been like without such painful loss.

My memories and those old questions surprised me, as it’s been years since that awful time, and I’ve come so far. God’s made it abundantly clear to me, over and over, how He rescued me and restored my family. So why do I ever look around at others, who seem to escape such trauma, and wonder why not me or my kids?

The fact is that we all go through tough times. If I’d never suffered through the experience of being spiritually and sexually abused, I wouldn’t be who I am today. The compassion and empathy that God has given me for others is a direct result of what I’ve endured. Along this journey I’ve met people who have suffered too, and for the most part, they’ve been the most understanding, able to offer the type of help and care that I (and others like me) have needed. 

Suffering is, to some people, a bit of a vague concept. To others—it is pain, darkness, fear, loss, and even despair. Suffering is long days and endless nights. It is the lonely, often tortured state, which no man can rescue or remove another from. The only way to experience true relief from suffering is to enter it, go through it, and come out the other side.

Among Christians, certain forms of suffering are generally more acceptable, and therefore more supported, than others. Most often, those who experience a major illness or those who’ve lost a loved one are more readily embraced than the person who’s going through a divorce, or struggling with an addiction issue. For victims of sexual abuse, this lack of support from the Christian community compounds the cycle of pain and despair.

We all understand this selective empathy—we’ve even made these value judgments ourselves. Yet this does create additional conflict, and perhaps even brings about the challenge of those nagging questions: Why me? Where is God in this?

Fortunately, God is not like us. He is not constrained by limitations of human understanding and His mercy is not bound by moral judgments. The Lord’s compassion is most often based on the condition of our hearts. And He is ready and able to help us regardless of the pit we find ourselves in.

Here’s an encouraging excerpt found in a chapter called Restoration, from the book Freeing Your Mind From Memories That Bind by Fred and Florence Littauer:

“The glorious promise is that Jesus is available and ready to heal you. That healing, however, is up to you. It is not up to Jesus. He is the constant. He is always there. We have to come to Him. In terms of our healing, then, the progress is up to us. We are the variable. We are to have a very significant part in our own healing process. The rate of your healing, then, is very much in your own hands.  If Jesus is the healer, your role will be to totally align yourself with Jesus, to immerse yourself in Jesus.”

When I look back on my own journey through suffering, there were times I pulled away from God. The healing process was complex. Sorting through the myriad of issues that come with the confusing behavior of people (in Church) took me years. I can also look back and see that God’s merciful hand was always stretched out toward me, ready to help, despite my reluctance to reach out and trust it.

This process seems somewhat universal among those who’ve suffered from sexual abuse.  In order to move through the suffering experience, each person must question it, wrestle with it, push forward, and trust God in it. This is the only way to really come through to the other side of it. 

In the same chapter, the Littauers also say this:

“So you will receive a double blessing. You will be healed and you will be lifted to a higher level of understanding and relationship to the Lord Jesus. We oftentimes need the low times in our life in order to reach to the pinnacle. It has often been said, ‘there is no growth on the mountaintop, the growth only comes in the valley’. Oh Lord if that be true, may we never leave the valley!”

I’m not ready to say that I want to dwell in the valley of suffering, but I am thankful for much of my own experience with it; thankful for who I’ve become as a result of it. Thankful for the God I’ve come to know through it. And so thankful for the understanding and compassion that I have when I hear the pain of others…because of it.

If you are suffering and need support, please contact us.