What Would Jesus Do?
When a pastoral sexual abuse victim comes forward with the truth, she/he has a long road ahead of them. The response of the church is often as traumatic as the original abuse. The following clip is from one Survivors' story. The entire story can be read here.
“…During the investigation process and eventual suspension of my former minister, I was harassed, with two separate anonymous letters that had been mailed to my home, from an angry church parishioner. They even sent one letter to my workplace president suggesting they should fire me from my job! The head diaconate’s wife left a threatening voice message on my phone machine and sent me an angry and accusatory email. Together, they made great efforts to blame me, shame me, and to silence me.
Letters of support—for my minister—found their way to the local papers; all from people who neither knew me nor spoke to me to hear my side of our story. They publically responded to a situation they truly knew nothing about. Hearing Reverend *Ralph’s twisted version of our story was their only source of information. It was unreal how these self-proclaimed Christians behaved.
A church group hung gold foil ribbons throughout town; near my home, work office, around the church itself, and near my favorite lunch establishment. Ralph knew where I worked and where I frequented for lunch. The ribbons were accompanied by large posters stating, “Ribbons for Ralph.” I truly believe they were meant to shame me for being forthright.
The local church leaders shunned me like a modern-day Hester Prynne from the Scarlet Letter. I lost my church friends and church family. I was re-victimized by the words, actions, and inactions of the local church leaders. As a result, I felt pain and a level of betrayal so deep I contemplated ending my life. Thank God I have two precious children and my faith to keep me on my two feet! I have lawyer bills, medical bills, and lost wages from time taken off work, as some days were just too hard to bear.
It saddens me that so many parishioners are still blinded by my charming and charismatic former minister. He is back at the pulpit. I am sure he continues to counsel troubled teens and vulnerable women. His vocation allows him to do so. His vocation allows him to have a license to prey.
We all have the power to put an end to hypocrisy and to shine light on the church’s hidden secret. What would Jesus do? I believe Jesus would speak out against injustice. I believe my strength to speak out against injustice and abuse comes directly from the Holy Spirit.
As a survivor, I am not alone and neither are you. God has been with me all along, assisting me on my journey from victim to survivor. I am hopeful that we survivors, as a united front, will be the conduits for change that will eventually lead to safer church environments. Please join us as we learn to speak truth to power and be a voice for all of the clergy abuse victims who are today suffering in silence. Together, let’s give them a voice!"
*Ralph is a pseudonym
Categories: Survivor Stories
Tags: clergy sexual abuse pastoral sexual abuse clergy sexual misconduct spiritual abuse
This story breaks my heart over the pain caused when people rally around a pastor, who abused his authority, deeply hurt a child of God, betrayed the Body of Christ, and ignored his responsibility to the flock. My feelings run deep due to my being pursued, used, and abused by my pastor, a man who knew my life story, my vulnerabilities, my needs, and the problems in my marriage. There are people who see my responsibility as equal out of ignorance, not meaning to be intentionally insensitive. What disturbs me is when people rally behind a pastor while ignoring the hurt he caused the woman he was responsible to protect. A shepherd’s role is to guard and carefully protect his flock. The responsibility is never equal. Great injustice is done to the victim and to the church when it is seen as equal or when the woman is blamed and the pastor rises up a support team.
THOS is a great avenue to speak out on the injustice of pastoral abuse. It is a support system for those abused by clergy. My hope is that public awareness will increase regarding the imbalance of power. My prayer is that churches will better protect their sheep by putting into place the safeguards discussed throughout THOS site. Until pastors are held accountable for their actions, we must continue speaking out the truth while resting in God’s care and protection. And although we can’t always see justice being served, we can trust God because it is the foundation of His throne!
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